Anthony's Book of Quotes
by Anthony Thyssen
Upon these pages, I write,
the quotes and sayings, I do like!
-- Anthony Thyssen
There can never be an `Absoulte Chaos',
since any absolute must be lawful,
I.E. It is lawful in its chaos.
Even a dead plant can turn over a new leaf, when the wind blows!
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little-death
that brings total obliteration." "Litany Against Fear" - Dune
Man may come, and man may go, but the earth abides. -- "The Earth Abides"
In seeking the unattainable,
simplicity only gets in the way. -- Alan J. Perlis
Left. G: "Sir, what do we do if we stand on a mine ?"
Capt. B: "Well, normal proceedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet
into the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
-- somewhere no man's land, "Blackadder Goes Forth"
"Violence never solves anything." --- Attila the Hun.
Stepped out for a byte! Back soon.
"A house is no home unless it contain food and fire for the
mind as well as for the body." -- Margaret Fuller
A dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle
ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it
lies between the pit of man's fears, and the summit of his knowledge.
This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call...
The Twilight Zone !!!
You're traveling through another dimension -- a dimension not only of sight and
sound but of mind. A journey into a wonderous land whose boundaries are that of
imagination. That's a signpost up ahead: your next stop: the Twilight Zone!
If your enemy wrongs you, buy each of his children a drum. -- Chinese Proverb
There is nothing more constant, as change!
The meek shall inherit the earth...
One meter wide, two meters long.
Keeping time, time, time
In a sort of Runic rhyme --- Edgar Allan Poe
Graffito in a MIT lavatory...
Heisenberg might have been here
If you know someone weirder, its probably one of my multiple
personalities --- Adam Calinsed Cuerden <acuerden@salsgiver.com>
In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of
the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states
the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
-- Schrodinger's Moggy -- Terry Pratchett, "Lords and Ladies"
``In the beginning their was darkness, and the darkness was without form
and void. And in addition to the darkness their was also me! And I
moved upon the face of the darkness, and I saw that I was alone...''
``Hey... bomb...''
``Let their be light ...'' -- Classic SciFi Movie ``DarkStar'', 1974
`` What is your ONE purpose in life? ''
`` Why to explode of course! '' replyed thermostellar bomb number 20
-- Classic SciFi Movie ``DarkStar'', 1974
`` Intriging! I wish I had more time to discuss this matter ''
`` Why don't you have more time? ''
`` Because I must detonate in 75 seconds! '' -- thermostellar bomb #20
-- Classic SciFi Movie ``DarkStar'', 1974
REALITY.SYS Corrupted - Unable to recover Universe
Seen one kite out of sight, seen 'em all
A kite is a thing that, when you show it to the wind,
dances and makes you smile. -- Chuck Henderson <coh@i-2000.com>
A kite is a thing at the end of a string !
... Cool! Go fly a dog! -- Charlie Charlton <charlie@akg.u-net.com>
Aero ergo sum. (I fly, therefore, I am)
--- Gary Engvall <gengvall@aol.com> (a kite flyer)
`` You are now leaving the emergency airlock!
Thank you for observing all safety precautions '' announced the computer.
`` Yoh Ho Hoo '' as Selby was ejected into space without a jetpack.
-- Classic SciFi Movie ``DarkStar'', 1974
Like a kite Cut from the string,
Lightly the soul of my youth Has taken flight.
- Ishikawa Takuboku
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
Assume(n): Making and ASS out of U and ME. -- Benny Hill
"Better shut 'er down, Slim. She's pumpin' mud." - memorable error message!
Life (n). A sexually transmitted disease which afflicts some
people more severly than others.
We only think, that computers think, we think!
"I do not fear computers.. I fear the lack of them." -- Isaac Asimov
"Bad spellers of the world, UNTIE!"
-- Jason Sicotte <jasonsicotte@dublinschool.org>
`` It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. ''
-- Andrew Jackson
Capt'n! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!
Flying (v) The art of throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
Orbit (v) Falling such that you miss the planet below.
And even if there was a possibility of life outside the Store,
it wouldn't be life as we know it! --- Terry Pratchett ``Truckers''
`I would have been long since dead and gone, if I hadn't died.'
- Jolie the ghost -- `And Eternity' - Piers Anthony
It has been proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that million-to-one
chances, occur nine times out of ten! --- Terry Pratchet
Always choose a bigger enemy. It makes him easier to hit!
--- Terry Pratchett ``The Carpet People''
HELLO, I'm a more persuasive signature virus! Join in the fun and copy me
into yours! C'mon, it's really fun! And such a cool concept, too! That's
it, just snip me out of this letter and append me to your .sig...PLEEEEZE??
Signature presently being upgraded. New .sig should be bigger, better,
less harmful to the ozone layer, much friendlier to gay and lesbian whales,
offend less university staff. Coming soon, to a newsgroup near you!
I always figured that if I ever stopped learning, it would
either mean that I had closed my mind, or that I was dead.
-- Robert Asprin ``Myth-nomers and Im-pervections''
Instead of wasting my energy bemoaning what I didn't know,
I should be using what I DID know to expand my own horizons.
-- Robert Asprin ``Myth-nomers and Im-pervections''
My girlfriend's just an object to me. Unfortunately, there is some
information hiding, but thankfully, she's fairly encapsulated, nicely
modular, and has a very well defined interface!
-- Frank Fabbrocino <fabbroci@sal-sun2.usc.edu>
Scotty: Captain, we din' can reference it!
Kirk: Analysis, Mr. Spock?
Spock: Captain, it doesn't appear in the symbol table.
Kirk: Then it's of external origin?
Spock: Affirmative.
Kirk: Mr. Sulu, go to pass two.
Sulu: Aye aye, sir, going to pass two. --- fortune(6)
When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is
not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space
travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere. -- Robert Heinlein
for a in past present future; do
for b in clients employers associates relatives neighbours pets; do
echo The opinions in this article in no way reflect the opinions of $a $b
done;done
Laws of Computer Programming #7 :-
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
programmer who must maintain it.
SIGPLAN Notices, Vol. 2 No 2
Laws of Computer Programming #8 :-
Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English,
and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
SIGPLAN Notices, Vol. 2 No 2
All computers wait at the same speed.
Personally, I consider myself perfect and bug free...bug free... bug
free... bug free... bug free... bug free... bug free... bug free...
-- Adam Calinsed Cuerden <acuerden@salsgiver.com>
Fast. Powerful. User-friendly. Now choose any two.
Nice Computers don't go down.
If debugging is to remove bugs from a program,
programming is to put bugs in.
`` I think we should put some mountains here. Otherwise,
what are the characters going to fall off of? ''
-- Laurie Anderson
It is sometimes hard to decide whether Usenet is a glimpse into the 21st
century or a New England town meeting gone international - Andrew Tanenbaum
``But that's fantasy for you. The Damsel gets to fly, while
the Elf gets stuck in the mud.'' -- Piers Anthony `Bearing an Hourglass'
This signature is lying to you.
Lottery(n) :- A tax on people who are bad at maths.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
i souport publik edekasion
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? -- A Bumper Sticker
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot,
but don't let that fool you. He is an idiot." -- Groucho Marx
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
It is a pretty smart tree that can outsmart the average kite flyer.
--- Gary <gengvall@aol.com>
Practise acts of senseless beauty & random kindness.
Alpha Release -- It doesn't work!
Beta Release -- It still doesn't work!
Version 1.0 -- I give up making it work!
A kite line has a field of invisibility around it,
as far as the public is concerned.
If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer,
a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon,
and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
-- Robert Cringely, InfoWorld
``Sorry 'bout that Chief!''
``Missed it, by that much!'' -- Get Smart
`` One never knows whether you are going to hit adventurer on the
head with the obvious or hide something in the mists of deviousness.''
--- Ann E Cleary <afactor@ozemail.com.au>
A Kite is at my fingertips,
the wind is in my hair, Poem ``WindWords'' by
on wing the sound of wind it rips, David Bartholomew
oh, nothing can compare.
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
The more knowledge you know, the less you know, that you know you know.
"Please remain calm... I may be mad, but I am a professional." --Mad Scientist
Don't you just hate those long signature files? I mean, there oughta
be a law. If I were in control, .sigs would get cut off if they were
Help! Police! That guy stole my .sig! STOP!!! THIEF!!!
Brisbane (Australia) had been Terra's Capital city for hundreds of
years now, and its (space) port with long open approaches over the
continental center and open Pacific, was the planets busiest.
--- Dean Alan Foster, ``Orphan Star''
At a video game, any kid could be in command, could make life and death
decidions, on the glowing field of the screen.
-- Dean Alan Foster, ``The Last Starfighter''
By the way, the universe is finite.
It's just awful damn big. -- Dean Alan Foster, `` Glory Lane ''
Did you ever have the feeling that the world was an AC coffee pot
and you were DC? -- Dean Alan Foster, `` Glory Lane ''
That is conclusive mathematical proof that whatever exists on the
next level of intelligence above us possesses a terrific sense of
humor. -- Dean Alan Foster, `` Glory Lane ''
Klingon Programmer :- `` This machine is a piece of GAGH!
I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code! ''
`` A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code! '' -- Klingon Programmer
I'm feeling very tetrahedral today. (As I think about tetra kites)
--- Anthony Thyssen
Nothing Gives a Damn. Life is far too brief, existance is meaningless
and the universe has no purpose. -- Dean Alan Foster, `` Glory Lane ''
Philosophy (n): unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
Out testing new time machine. Be back yesterday!
A host is a host from coast to coast
& no one will talk to a host that's close
Unless the host (that isn't close)
is busy, hung or dead -- wb8foz@mthvax.cs.miami.edu
C code. C code run. Run. code, run ..... PLEASE!!!! -- Jennifer Pick
When you have eliminated the impossible,
whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth!
--- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, ``Sherlock Holmes'', A Study in Scarlett
Up with kites! Down with para-fauna! -- Tuffy Koala
Byte(n) : A little nibble.
`` Compassion is what you're good at. I'm better at complex searches
through organized data structures. '' -- Jane the Computer
Orson Scott Card, ``Speaker for the Dead''
Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.
--- Robert Heilein, "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress"
An' then Chicken@little.com, he come scramblin' outta the terminal room
screamin' "The system's crashing! The system's crashing!
--- Uncle RAMus, 'Tales for Cyberpsychotic Children'
To think is human, to compute, divine.
A truly good DM uses a good eraser and spells of amnesia.
Dungeons and Dragons Famous Last Words:
`` C'mon DM, let's see some REAL monsters! ''
And then you turn the corner, as the Dungeon Master chuckles...
DM: `` It hits and... Oh, hold on... I need more dice... ''
PC: I point the wand at the dragon and say the word.
DM: (rolls dice) You just died! PC: WHAT!?! DM: Wrong end.
Nice DM! Good DM! Please put down the ``Outerplanes Monster Manual''
Rincewind was firmly of the opinion that in stone-aged days,
people were divided into two groups. Those that, when confronted
by a sabre-toothed tiger, ran away (and thereby survived) and
those who just stood there saying 'my, what a magnificent brute'
or 'here, kitty, kitty'. - Terry Prachett, "The Color of Magic"
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!
Back Up My Hard Drive! How do I put it in Reverse?
Programming errors are like mermaids,
just because you haven't seen one, doesn't mean it isn't there.
Disclaimer: Any lapses in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
Error reading from device Brain - (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a coke?
Signature lost in transit. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.
Fly, Be Free!
Old kiters never die... They just fly away!
To seek out strange, new Taglines to BOLDLY quote ...
DISCLAIMER - These opoi^H^H "damn", ^H, [esc :q :qq !q "shit!" :Q! "Whaddya
mean, Not an editor command?" :wq! ^C^C^C !STOP ^bye ^quit :quit! !halt ...
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:wwqq!! ^Z ^L ^ESC STOP :bye bye bye! "Hey, what's this red button d..."
``Probable impossibilites are to be preferred to improbable possibilites''
-- Aristotle
Never ask them for an explaination. You only end up worse confused.
-- Rick Cook, "Wizardry Cursed"
It's always the details that get you in trouble.
-- Rick Cook, "Wizardry Cursed"
My french isn't %$@#$%^&* good either... pardon my french ;-)
-- Anthony Thyssen
One does expect bugs, but not of this variety
-- an ant just crawled out of the keyboard.
-- Ann E Cleary <afactor@ozemail.com.au>
Beware the kite eating trees! -- Charlie Brown
Beware :-
The light at the end of the tunnel,
may be an oncoming dragon!
`` Watch Out! He's got a dragon! ''
-- Robert Asprin - "Another Fine Myth"
"... Ken Thompson, Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan have admitted that
the operating system and the programming language that they designed is a
clever April fools-day prank, that has survived the last 20 years. ..."
--- Vogon News Service -- April 1, 1991
Our continuing mission: To seek out knowledge of C, to explore strange
UNIX commands and to boldly code where no one has manpage 4...
Unix is a very user-friendly system --
it's just not promiscuous about which user it's friendly with.
`` When you type to Unix, a gnome deep in the system is
gathering your characters and saving them in a secret place. ''
Unix 6th edition manual
Friends don't let friends do DOS; Linux to the rescue!
Windows Multitasking :- Start a download, Get a Coke, Fly a kite.
Oh, I'm a Sysprog and I'm OK
I work all night and play all day.
I knock back Cokes, I skip my lunch,
I love to program.
Please leave a wish after the tone and, very shortly it will be our command.
- Smoke from a Magic Lamp -- Terry Pratchett ``Sourcery''
Wizard Rincewind on `Attacting Trouble' :-
"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, then
he'd be the sort to stand on a hill top in a thunderstorm wearing wet
copper armour and shouting, ``All gods are bastards.''.
Terry Pratchet - "The Colour of Magic"
The chieftain had been turned into a pumpkin, although in accordance
with the rules of universal humour, he still had his hat on.
-- Terry Pratchett ``Lords and Ladies''
You Don't Have To Be ``Damed'' to Work Here, But It Helps!!!
Griffti on the entrance to Hell --- Terry Pratchet - "Eric"
..., the kind of rain that is merely a upright sea with slots in it.
-- Terry Pratchett - ``Truckers''
Look, you don't have to believe everything you hear about werewolves.
We're human, just like everyone else. Most of the time.
-- Terry Pratchett - "Men At Arms"
`` Are you a devious, plotting, unreliable madman?
Ah, good, then you can be my most trusted minister. ''
-- Terry Pratchett - ``Interesting Times''
`` What has size got to do with being a dwarf? ''
-- Terry Pratchett - "Men At Arms"
There it is; dwarves are not heros, but a calculating folk with
a great idea of the value of money; -- JRR Tolkein, ``The Hobbit''
It was a passage made by dwarves,... straight as a ruler, smooth-faced
and smooth-sided, going with a gentle never-varing slope direct -- to
some distant end in the blackness below. -- JRR Tolkein, ``The Hobbit''
I haven't lost my mind, its backed up on tape somewhere! - Peter da Silva
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards.
I got a full house and 4 people died. -- Steven Wright
To fly or not to fly... There is no question! -- rodbuggy@aol.com
``"Set a new course. There's coffee in that nebula.''
Captain Janeway -- Startrek Voyager, ``The Cloud''
Data: `` I could be chasing an untamed ornithoid without just cause! ''
Dr Crusher: `` Errr... A wild goose chase? ''
--- StarTrek New Generations, ``Data's Day''
Geordi: Data! What Happened?
Data: Any answer would be mere speculation.
This is another example of how our actions have random results.
--- Star Trek New Generation, ``Contagion''
`` Well you know what they say... All Good Things... ''
StarTrek, New Generations (Final Epsoide)
``Data, you are one smart man, no matter what time period you are in!''
-- StarTrek NG, "All good things..."
Data: At this rate the sector will be completely filled with
Enterprises in 3 days!
Geordi: Captian we are receiving 285,000 hails!
-- StarTrek New Generation, ``Parellels''
Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though!
Bad Command or File Name. You have 2 wishes left.
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
Shh! Be vewy vewy qwiwet. I'm hunting dose peskwey wuntime ewwors.
FileNames are infinite in length,
where infinity is set to 255 chars! - "The Unix File System"
/Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can! - rec.humor.funny
" `` ' ` " `' "" (Random Quotes)
\
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________LL____ Watch those ground passes! ___ / ________
You are in a maze of twisty little web pages, all different.
Zatherus warn Zartheris! But, arh, Zatheris never listens to Zatherus!
-- Babylon 5
"Specialisation is for insects." -- Robert Heinlein.
"I wouldn't take a bribe even if you paid me!" -- Anthony Thyssen
This program is so good it can `even nail jelly to a tree'.
(achieve the impossible)
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
Grok (vb) :- To drink in all the knowledge.
[ From the martian meaning: To Drink ]
--- Robert A. Heinlein ``Stranger in a Strange Land''
Symbolic Link(n) : ``A door closes quietly behind you, you are in a
twisty maze of little passages, all different.''
No-one knows why smoking boots always remain, no matter how big
the explosion. It seems to be just one of those things.
-- Terry Pratchett "Sourcery"
Bilbo had heard tell and sing of dragon-hoards before, but the splender,
the lust, the glory of such treasure has never come home to him.
-- JRR Tolkein, ``The Hobbit''
Dragons do not have much use for paper... particularly paper money.
Flammable currency is not our idea of a sound investment for a society.
--- Robert Asprin, "M.Y.T.H. Inc. Link"
No dragon can resist the fascination of riddling talk, and of
wasting time trying to understand it. -- JRR Tolkein, ``The Hobbit''
`` Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool! ''
-- JRR Tolkein, ``The Hobbit''
,.......
,.........:::::::::::::::::.
,......::::::::::::::::::'''' ``::::::
/\_./o__ ....::::::::::::::::::''''''' `::::
(/^/(_^~' ```::::::............ ,::::
___.(_.)____ ```````:::::::::::::::::::::::::::'
| `````````:::::::::::'
In the room is: A Huge Fierce Green Dragon
> drop bird
With a great flurry of feathers, the little bird gets burnt to a cinder!
Ashes blow away. --- Advent, the first computer adventure
Dragons have various degrees of flame at their disposal, ranging from
``toast a marshmallow'' to ``make a hole in a rock''. You might want to
keep that in mind next time you consider arguing with a dragon.
-- Robert Asprin, "M.Y.T.H. Inc. Link"
You can start thinking how we're going to get that stupid dragon out
of our room. He's too big to fit through the door or window.
-- Robert Asprin, "Myth Directions"
Quazar Dragon (Draco Godawfulus Armageddonus)
HIT DICE: All there are
SIZE: LARGE!!!! (120,600 miles from nose to tail)
TREASURE: 1d4 Planets may be found in stomach
Star trek: To boldly go, where no man has go before.
New generation: To boldly go, where no one has gone before.
Deep Space Nine: To boldly stay, where no one has stayed before.
Voyger: To boldly go, in one direction only.
The answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42.
-- ``Hitchhitchers Guide to the Galaxy''
``When one understands everything, one has gone crazy''
-- Philip W. Anderson (Nobel Physicist)
There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make
it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to
make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare
Base 8 is just like base 10 really...
...if you're missing two fingers. - Tom Lehrer
Real Programmers never grow old.
They suffer from burnouts, monumental crashes, or bugs in thier DNA.
There are bugs and there are bugs. And then there are bugs.
`` WARNING: Keyboard device not present. Press <F1> to continue... ''
--- "American Megatrends" PC Bios
Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong.
No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness always got
there first, and it is waiting for it. -- Terry Pratchett - ``Reaper''
Dr Who: "Aren't you going to say it's bigger on the inside than on
the outside? Everyone else does."
Colonel: "Why I should have thought that was quite obvious."
Ok, pop quiz. There's a server on a bus. It's rigged to blow
if it drops below 50 transaction per second. What do you do?
--- WWW-Speed Home Page -- Simon Spero (ses@unc.edu)
`` I've heard of hunt-and-peck typing,
but his is more search-and-destroy! ''
If everything seems to be going well,
you obviously don't know what the hell you are doing.
When in danger or in doubt...
run in circles, scream, and shout !!!!!
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
The Macintosh Principle :-
Build a system that even a fool can use,
and only a fool will want to use it.
Poltics(n): A two-handed game in which Mudballs are Trump! - BC's Dictionary
If you can get into Orbit, you're half way to anywhere!
-- Robert Heinlein
Dr Basher: `` Who told you that? '' Miles O'Brian: `` You did! ''
`` Well who am I to argue with me!! '' -- StarTrek DS9, ``Visions''
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine....to boldly stay where no one has stayed before
DM: `` I'll let you live if you roll lower then 3 on 4d6 ''
PC: `` Okay that's better... Hey! ''
The life of processes in the UNIX environment is wierd. Parent
processes normally out live their children, and in fact processes who
die become zombies until either their parents reconise they are in
fact dead, or they themselves die. -- Treaty on UNIX Process Handling
A novice practices until he gets it right.
An expert practices until he doesn't get it wrong.
Created with the No. 1 Rated HTML editor - "vi"
Voice of the Resistance...
I just wanted to mention for those who have asked, that
absolutely nothing whatsoever happened today in sector 83x9x12
I repeat nothing happened, please remain calm. -- Babylon 5
Chaos if found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought.
It always defeats order, because it is better organized!
-- Terry Pratchett ``Interesting Times''
Any problem in computer science can be solved
with one more level of indirection. --- Morven's Metatheorum
How many hardware guys does it take to change a light bulb?
"Well the diagnostics say it's fine buddy, so it's a software problem."
Kernal PANIC: Unable to mount /dev/coffee.machine -- Operator Halted.
Last week, when the moon was full, the clouds were thick, and
formahaut was above the horizon, I typed f77, and lo, it did compile.
Computers are completely unintelligent. Just big adding machines that
count on thier fingers. Except thay have an increadible amount of
fingers and can count awfully fast. -- Harry Harrison, ``Home World''
Unix Security sat on the wall.
Unix Security had a great fall.
All the king's horses,
And all the king's men,
Couldn't get Security back together again. -- Unix Haters
"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his
tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand
this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they
receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
--- Albert Einstein
Writing software takes twice as long as you expect it will take...
Even if you keep this in mind!
I smell a Wumpus! -- One of the first computer games.
"Suddenly everything goes dark.
You have fallen into a pit.
It hits! It hits!
You hear the howling of the Banshee..." - Hack (The Game)
Not all rumors are as missleading as this one. -- Nethack (The Game)
``Never argue with a computer.'' -- Avon, Blake's 7
To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password.
Exodendritic : to be out of your tree
-- Robert Langsford
"Good programmers write readable code."
"Yeah, but REALLY good programmers can read MY code."
PROGRAM (pro'-gram) [n] A magic spell cast over a computer allowing
it to turn one's input into error messages. [vt] To engage in a
pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but, with
fewer opportunities for reward. <dissel@nunic.nu.edu>
What goes up must come down. Ask any system administrator.
May a thousand camels spit in your keyboard!
-- Anthony Thyssen (no offence)
UNIX is the spawn of the devil,
why he even has his deamons running the thing! -- Anthony Thyssen
Computers are dumb... Unless otherwise stated!
-- Anthony Thyssen
Kettering's Law :-
"Logic is an organized way of going wrong, with confidence."
Ralph's Observation:
It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to
realize that you are in a hurry.
East takes you out. Out takes you west. West takes you in.
In takes you east. North and south brings you back.
- Litany of Orbital Mechanics --- Larry Niven -- "Integral Trees"
"You must realize that the computer has it in for you. The irrefutable
proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do."
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of DEC.
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, 1949
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
"Magic is Real -- unless declared an integer" --- John P.Melvin
The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer
with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and
a user with an idea. -- anchient computer saying
The very best, and oldest, computer system built by man is Stonehenge.
Built by the Druids, who didn`t die out, but went bankrupt trying to
debug the software.
Backup is irrelevant, your C drive will be assimilated
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
There are no bugs, only unrecognized features.
You said the learning curve was steep, but neglected to mention the
roller coaster ride in the middle! -- Anni <afactor@ozemail.com.au>
Unix, MS-DOS, and Windows NT
-- the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly --- Matt Welsh
All these theories, diverse as they are, have two things in common.
They explain all the observed facts and they are complete and utterly
WRONG. --- Terry Pratchet - "The Light Fantastic"
Circoflex Kite :- A flying cookie cutter for the wind.
-- Ron Field, Former Queensland Kite Flyers President
Direct Levitation is the hardest of practical magics...
A Wizard attempting to lift a heavy item by mind power alone,
faces the prospect of ending up with his brains in his boots.
-- Terry Pratchett - ``Equal Rites''
Diplomacy(n) :- The art of saying 'Nice doggie!'
... till you can find a rock.
``Angry Fruit Salad'' (n). -- A bad visual-interface design that uses
too many colors. This term derives, of course, from the bizarre
day-glo colors found in canned fruit salad.
`` I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way! ''
- Jessica Rabbit -- "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
Cartoon Law III : Any body passing through solid matter
will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
"Now I've got the bead on you with MY disintegrating gun.
And when it disintegrates, it disintegrates. (pulls trigger)
Well, what you do know, it (the gun) disintegrated."
-- Daffy Duck -- Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a half century
`` I want my skin to be its yellowist! '' -- Bart Simpson
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the
usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and
nobody thinks of complaining. -- Jef Raskin
I am the terror that flaps in the night...
Arr Heck... Lets get dangerous!!! -- Dark Wing Duck
Judgment comes from experience: experience comes from poor judgment.
Copyright 19.... ah hell, just take it.
Jeffrey Friedl Perl Dec 1994.
``Isn't technology wonderful. Yes it is isn't it. It will be even
better when we get some electrictry! Yes, Yes it will, wouldn't it?''
--- The Looney Toon Chupmunks
:-) Happy :-D Laughing Happy :^) Nosey
:-( Sad :-> Sarcastic :-O Oh Wow!
:-| Neutral Hmmm ;-) Wink, Joking 8-O Oh My God!
Smileys -- Ascii Art for emotional effects
"Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again."
-- Marvin The Paranoid Android
Glad to be of service! --- A Door - ``Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy''
In the beginning I was made. I didn't ask to me made. No one
consulted me or considered my feelings in this matter. But if it
brought some passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly
pranced their way through life's mournful jungle then so be it.
- Marvin the Paranoid Android
Clarke's Law: Study what the most respected authorities agree can NOT
be done - then do it. -- Arthur C. Clark
It is Infi (Infinity),...
In the Creators name she runs the world by using dice.
-- A Galatic Parable David Brin, ``Infinity's Shore''
"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags don't wave in a vacuum."
-- Arthur C. Clarke
"A man without an address is a vagabond" -- George Bernard Shaw
Sendmail configuration files...
Experimental results of an explosion in a Punctuation Factory!!!
You are caught in a maze of twisty little Sendmail rules, all obscure.
If Dijkstra had given the five philosophers a chinese meal, he could've
avoided his silly problem altogether by giving them chopsticks!!
-- Paraphrase of the Logic of Chengzeng Sun
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
-- Isaac Asimov
A / \ o `` Impressive...
/</ \/|> Obi Wan has taught you well. ''
/ \ /\
/___\ \ \ -- StarWars
It was dawn; the sun had not yet quite dared to show its round face,
because darkness made it nervous. - Piers Anthony "Man from Mundana"
The SUN was afraid of the dark, so it never appeared before day came.
Piers Anthony - "Ogre, Ogre" (Xanth series)
He's so stupid, that if he had dynamite for brains he could not clear
one hairy nostril. --- Piers Anthony "The Colour of Her Panties"
Exile by starship...
`` No one's ever come back... Hell, no one's ever arrived yet! ''
-- Orson Scott Card, ``Capitol''
This signature is not a virus since it does not replicate by itself.
It is therefore perfectly safe to use as signature for yourself.
RAM - Rarely Adequate Memory
Book (n): A non-volitile, randomly accessed, analog memory store, no
electricity or digital cognizance. -- David Brin, ``Infinity's Shore''
Wecome to the Internet Scratch-It ### ### ### ### ### ###
Any three matches to win! --------> ### ### ### ### ### ###
``Yeap, I died on level twenty when my pet dragon caught a cold!''
I don't make the rules... I just impliment them!
-- Programmers Law of Policy
A Real Kiter doesn't get annoyed with line tangles. Rather, he finds
that sorting them is a relaxing passtime. Line tangles involving many
kites are a social occasion.
English is the largest human tounge; its variety, subtlety, and
irrantional, idiomatic complexity make it possible to say things
in English which can not be said in any other language.
-- Robert Heilein, ``Stranger in a Strange Land''
... money is like air and love, - unimportant if you've got
enough of it, but desperately important if you haven't.
-- Terry Pratchett, ``Science of Diskworld''
I really hate this damn machine,
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want,
Only what I tell it.
That's the thing about people who think they hate computers.
What they really hate is lousy programmers.
- Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle, "Oath of Fealty"
The gods confound the man who first found out how to distinguish hours!
Confound him, too, who in this place set up a sun-dial, to cut and hack
my days so wretchedly into small portions. -- Titus Plautus
A Gods idea of amusement is a Snakes & Ladders game, with greased rungs.
- Terry Pratchett "Wyrd Sisters"
Atheism was a non-survival trait on a world with several thousand gods.
-- Terry Pratchett - ``Men At Arms''
"[A computer is] like an Old Testament god,
with a lot of rules and no mercy." --- Joseph Campbell
To fly a kite is to hold God's hand. -- Dan Hawkins <DHawkins@one.net>
My religious faith is a private matter bettween me and my God.
-- Robert A. Heinlein ``If this Goes On --''
"In the beginning, the Giver of Data (GOD) generated silicon and carbon,
and the system without architecture, and un-initialized, and randomness was
apon the arrangement of the matrix....... "
Spell chequers dew knot work write.
``Here, you're a zombie!''
``That's right, kick a man when he's dead.'' said Constable Shoe sharply
-- Terry Pratchett ``Jingo''
Just erotic. Nothing kinky. Its the difference between using
a feather and using a chicken. --- Terry Pratchet - "Eric"
Most Gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out
until too late that he's been using two queens along!
-- Terry Pratchett ``Interesting Times''
In some parts of the city curiosity didn't just kill the cat,
It threw it in the river with lead weights tied to its feet.
-- Terry Pratchett "Sourcery"
The maze was so small the people got lost, looking for it.
-- Terry Pratchett - ``Men At Arms''
Occult Primer... Chapter Fifteen... Elementry Necromancy
Lesson One: Correct use of a Shovel -- Terry Pratchett ``Jingo''
The problem with a kludge is eventually you're going to have to
go back and do it right. -- Rick Cook, "Wizardry Cursed"
"Got orders to let no-one through," (a guard)
"We're not anyone," said Bane, "and that's an order."
--- Terry Pratchett ``The Carpet People''
The Art of Kite Making: Taking a big piece of fabric, cutting it into
lots of little pieces, then joining them back to gether to form one
big piece.
UFO Kite: a radiply spinning motor at the end of a kite line.
Treat your password like a toothbrush.
Don't let anyone else use it and
get a new one every six months. --- Cliff Stoll
VI? Bless you my son, for thee have acquired expertise in the One Sacred
Editor. Never mention The Enemy, lest it break out into text mode on other
holy consoles.
Branches from the nearby foliage, or geological specimens, may fracture
my skeletal structure; however, inaccurate descriptions of my physical
appearance, heritage or personality, cannot damage my psyche.
Hi! I'm a shareware signature! Send $5 if you use me, send $10 for manual!
Q: How many tech support people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be
working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay,
just exactly how dark is it? Okay. There could be four or five
things wrong. Have you tried the light switch?
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's a hardware problem.
int a[1817];main(z,p,q,r){for(p=80;q+p-80;p-=2*a[p])for(z=9;z--;)q=3&(r=time(0)
+r*57)/7,q=q?q-1?q-2?1-p%79?-1:0:p%79-77?1:0:p<1659?79:0:p>158?-79:0,q?!a[p+q*2
]?a[p+=a[p+=q]=q]=q:0:0;for(;q++-1817;)printf(q%79?"%c":"%c\n","]#"[!a[q-1]]);}
"e, s, s, s, n, e, e, nw, get chest, se, n, d" - Sound familiar??????
Nietzchean Principle :- That which does not kill us, makes us stronger!
Larry Niven (BoarderLand of Sol): What we don't know, can kill us.
Carpe Aptenodytes! (Seize the Penguins! Linux forever!)
A priestly young person called Eric,
Whilst practising to be a cleric,
Misspelt his god's name,
'twas really a shame,
And thus ended Eric, the cleric.
One disk to rule them all,
One disk to bind them,
One disk to hold the files
And in the darkness grind 'em. -- fortune(6)
Science is based on not knowing everything, but it does know somethings.
-- Terry Pratchett, ``Science of Diskworld''
Science certianly does not claim to get things right,
but it has a good record of ruling out ways to get things wrong.
-- Terry Pratchett, ``Science of Diskworld''
"Death is dead; long live Death!" - Purgatory News Caster
-- Piers Anthony `On a Pale Horse'
They may have been stolen, or they may have walked away on their own.
Books constantly seem to be walking out of libraries.
-- Jody Lynn Nye, ``Encyclopedia of Xanth''
All the books of Power had thier own particular nature. The ``Octavo'' was
harsh and imperious. The ``Bumper Fun Grimore'' went in for deadly practical
jokes. The ``Joy of Tantric Sex'' had to be kept under iced water.
-- books in The Library --- Terry Pratchett, ``Moving Pictures''
"I didn't think I was going to survive that...".
"YOU WERE CORRECT", replied Death. -- Terry Pratchett - ``Men At Arms''
Like all bee keepers, Death wore a veil. It wasn't that he had anything
to sting, but sometimes a bee would get inside his skull and buzz
around, giving him a headache. --- Terry Pratchet - "Eric"
``The contents of book `as yet unwritten' can be deduced from books
now in existance'' -- General Theory of L-Space (Library-Space)
-- Terry Pratchett ``Loards and Ladies''
Would the pilot of the 747 parked outside the window, please
return to the cockpit. You've left your lights on!
-- Tokyo Airport Announcement -- Digimon
On the net, the only users you can trust not to be potentially hostile
are those who are *activally* hostile.
-- Programming Perl - Camel Book, r3
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
-- Tom Christiansen <tchrist@mox.perl.com>
Anyone attempting to generate random numbers by deterministic means is,
of course, living in a state of sin. -- Von Neumann
I'm an apatheist. The question is no longer interesting,
and the answer no longer matters. -- Petro
Windows gives you a nice view of clouds so you can't see any
potentially useful boot time messages. -- Bill Hay
It's like being nibble to death by,.. Ah...
feathers, long bills, webbed feet, go quck? Molari -- Babylon 5
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons;
for you are crunchy and good with catsup.
-- Jeannie <jeannie@scri.fsu.edu>
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards;
they are subtle and quick to anger.
-- Margret Wies & Tracy Hickman - "Elven Star"
The most menacing dwarf battle cry...
Today Is A Good Day For Someone Else To Die!
-- Terry Pratchett - ``Carpe Jugulum''
Real Science:- That is to say, the sort you can use to give something
three extra legs and then blow it up. -- Terry Pratchett - "Feet of Clay"
Any smoothly functioning technology
will have the appearance of magic. - Arthur C. Clarke
Three Schools of Magic...
1/ State a tautology, then ring changes on its corollaries. -- Philosphy
2/ Record many facts. Try to see a pattern.
Then make wrong guess at the next fact. -- Science
3/ Awareness that you live in an malevolent universe controled
by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewsters Facter. -- Engineering
Science, technology, and biology all use the woven rope of reality.
Magic, on the other hand, functions by reweaving the fabric of reality.
-- Margret Weis & Tracy Hickman - "Dragon Wing"
The only way to discover the limits of the possible
is to go beyond them into the impossible. -- Arthur C. Clarke
Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-
bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the
road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.
-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
Law of the Internet: If you can see it or hear it, you can copy it!
Somehow... Someway... -- Anthony Thyssen
Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
"3 billion human lives ended on August 29th, 1997. The survivors of the
nuclear fire called the war Judgment Day. They lived only to face a new
nightmare, the war against the Machines..." --- Terminator 2
"So that is what an invisible barrier looks like!" -- Time Bandits
Our technology has surpassed our humanity. Now I see that one day
our humanity may surpass our technology! -- "Powder" (Movie)
``Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moon light'' -- Joker
"Patience Lewis, we're only human!" - RoboCop -- "RoboCop 2"
"It's a shame that you do not like what you have created!"
--- Jobe -- "The Lawnmower Man" - Steven King
God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs.
God creates man. Man destroys God.
Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man. --- ``Jurasic Park''
So I'm a nerd, and proud of it! -- Anthony Thyssen
Hmm.. Thursday TV viewing...
Golf Channel 2
Sports Channel 9
Footy Channel 10
Arrrrhhhhhh (Present the Sign of the Protection against evil!)
-- Anthony Thyssen
Anthony Thyssen's theory of success (for spammers) :-
Almost anything today will be a success as you only need a minute
percentage of the 5 billion fools in the world, to make it big time.
I have a Dragon here, and I am not afraid to use it!
-- Donkey, "Shrek" the movie
The Internet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhoea --
massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source
of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it.
Data: "I hate this! It is revolting!" Guinan: "More?"
Date with a smile: "Please." -- Star Trek ``Generations''
This is no time to argue about time... We don't have the time.
-- Deanna Troi -- StarTrek Movie "First Contact"
Data -- "Sensors still show nothing out there."
Geordi -- "Sure is a damed ugly looking nothing!"
-- Startrek NG, "Where Silence has Lease"
Picard: Worf, do you have eleven weapons on you?
Worf: Of course not, sir.
Picard: Good... How many DO you have on you?
Worf: Fourteen. StarTrek NG, "Strike Zone"
Take this cheese to sick bay!!!
The Doctor should have a look at it.
-- StarTrek Voyager "Training"
Neelix: "Is something wrong?"
Doctor: "Yes, Terribly wrong!" (to Kes) "Your brain is not on file!"
-- StarTrek Voyager "Time and Again"
All of us have violent instincts. We have evolved from predators.
Well not me of course, I've just been programmed by you predators.
The Doctor -- StarTrek Voyager
Captain Janeway: Can we go to warp?
Paris: Sure, but with inertial dampeners offline,
we'd all be stains on the back wall! -- StarTrek Voyger
The keyboard! How quaint. -- Montgomery Scott -- StarTrek IV
Scotty: I beamed the whole kit and kaboodle over to the Klingons
engine room... where they'll be no tribble at all.
Startrek -- "The Trouble With Tribbles"
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Wirth's Rule: Never store data in more than one place,
sooner or later you will update one and not the other.
Anthony Thyssen's corollary to Wirth's Rule..
Only store and update data in one place,
but have all copies generate from that one primary source.
He decided the physicists were wrong. The universe was held together
not by gravity, but by ifs. -- Alan Dean Foster, "Quozl"
Here dragon, Stupid Dragon, have a cookie...
-- Visitor to Anthony's Castle
The Alchemists Guild is oppisite the Gamblers Guild... Usally.
Sometimes it's above it, or below it, or falling in bits around it.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Men At Arms"
... and the smoking yet still impressive hole where the
Alchemist's Guild had been up until yesterday.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Soul Music"
The members of the Guild of Assassins considered themselves cultured men
who enjoyed good music and food and literature. And they knew the value
of human life. To a penny, in many cases. -- Terry Pratchett, "HogFather"
The Fools' Guild was on fire... This was a problem, because
the Guild's fire brigade consisted largely of clowns.
-- Terry Pratchett, ``The Fifth Elephant''
With some difficulity and a complete lack of experience,
Death was trying to wink. --- Terry Pratchet, "Mort"
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is knowing not to use it in a fruit-salad.
There is nothing sadder than a kite that won't fly!
-- Anthony Thyssen
'' Ten Thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck! ''
-- Genie from the lamp -- "Aladin" the movie
The difference between men and boys, is the price of their toys!
Warning -- the varmits in these woods are NOT tame.
Travelers are warning to stay on the road,
as thier remains will not be returned to thier kin. -- The Lerdki
Robert Heinlein's, ``Glory Road''
"Even magic must have physics", Keff argued.
Anne McCaffery, "The Ship Who Won"
"Simplicity has a habit of expanding into catastrophe."
-- Anne McCaffrey, "The Ship who Sang"
"Well, you know what they say about hyperspace.. They say it's a
hypothetical absurdity and that's something I've always wanted to
be lost in." -- Doctor Who, "Stones of Blood"
"The trouble with computers, of course,
is that they're very sophisticated idiots. -- Doctor Who, "Robot"
"You know, just once I'd like to meet an alien menace
that wasn't immune to bullets. -- Brigadier, Doctor Who, "Robot"
There is no point in being grown up,
if you can't be childish, sometimes. -- Doctor Who, "Robot"
"Brigadier, a straight line may be the shortest distance between two points,
but it is by no means the most interesting."
-- Doctor Who, "The Time Warrior"
"Mind you, I'm not wild about computers myself, but they are a tool.
If you have a tool, it's stupid not to use it." -- Doctor Who, "Inferno"
The Procrastinator Club meeting has been postponed,
due to lack of interest. -- Kim Possible Cartoon
"If is was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be.
But as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." -- Lewis Carroll
Logic will take you only so far...
Insanity will take you all the way...
The nice thing about machines, Roger thought, was that they
couldn't be impressed by rank. They took you as you were.
--- Anne McCaffrey, "Damia's Children"
I go to bed at night with a smile on my face, dream beautiful dreams
and wake up in the morning with an even bigger smile because I am
lucky enough to be on this planet sharing this point in history...
-- Bruce Ressia - Griffith University Academic Support
UNIX was never designed to keep people from doing stupid things, because
that policy would also keep them from doing clever things. -- Doug Gwyn
Shells are a tool, and we are its carpenters.
Sometimes we need a hammer and sometimes a screwdriver. --- John Navarra
EARTH
smog | bricks
AIR -- mud -- FIRE
bubbles | tequila
WATER
"Well, don't just stand there, Sergeant Benton. Go put yourself under arrest."
-- Brigadier, Doctor Who, "Invasion of the Dinosaurs"
"I'm serious about what I do, yes. Not necessarily the way I do it."
-- Doctor Who, "The Time Warrior"
"Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye, Captain... 300 DPI?"
Computer: There is no such device on file..
Barkley: (sigh) No problem. Here's how you make one!
-- Startrek New Generation
"I am NOT a merry man!" -- Worf, Startrek NG "Strike Zone"
Why are they called "permissions" when they won't let you do anything?
-- The Joy of the Tech
"All I can say is, enthusaim, sincerity, genine compassion, humour, can
carry you through any lack of experence with... higher numerical values!"
-- Ivoniva's Theory of Relationships, Babalon 5, "Sic Transit Vir"
"Initiating 'Getting the hell out of here' manover!"
Lennier -- Bablyon 5 "Hour of the Wolf"
Zatheris warn, but, no one listens to Zatheris, No!
-- Zatheris, Bablyon 5, "War Without End"
Can not say. Saying, would know. Do not know, so can not say!
-- Zatheris, Bablyon 5, "War Without End"
No one ever listens to Zatheris. "Quite Mad!", thay say. It is good
the Zatheris does not mind. He has even grown to like it. Oh yes!
-- Zatheris's Mumbling, Bablyon 5, "War Without End"
Zatheris good at doings, not understandings!
-- Zatheris, Bablyon 5, "War Without End"
But every time I have been happy, the universe has conspired to do
sometime nasty to me! -- Mollari, Babylon 5, "Into the Fire"
If your going to have delusions, you might as well go for the
really satisfying ones. -- Marcus, Babylon 5
You could say its the Egyptian God of Frustration
-- about Daffy Duck to an alien -- Babylon 5 "Hour of the Wolf"
We are all Kosh! -- Ambassador Kosh, Bablyon 5
Now we make our own magic!
Now we create our own legends!
We build the future.
Now we stop -- being afraid of Shadows! -- Babylon 5, "Into the Fire"
Sign on kite flying field -- "Do not feed the trees"
I'll take that bet, you'll later regret,
for I'm the best that ever is! -- Devil went to Georgia
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with
themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. --- Susan Ertz
If all else fails, do the exact opposite of what you thought would work.
-- Dr Whirlwinds 10th law
Recursive (Adj.) :- See "Recursive"
We will encourage you to develop the three great virtues of
a programmer : laziness, impatience and hubris.
--- Larry Wall - "Programming Perl"
"I've decided I don't want to be a manager. Every time you try to be
responsive to your employees, they say you're being reactive and not
proactive. And when you try to be proactive, they accuse you of being
capricious and arbitrary. So I don't wanna be a manager... " -- Larry Wall
Just don't create a file called "-rf" :-) -- Larry Wall
Anyone who slaps a 'This page is best viewed with Browser X' label
on a Web page appears to be yearning for the bad old days, before
the Web, when you had very little chance of reading a document written
on another computer, another word processor, or another network.
-- Tim Berners-Lee, 1996
"We're a humane government. We never kill anybody, permanently."
-- Orson Scott Card, "Capitol"
"I have a top secret gravely important assignment here."
"What other kind do I ever get?" -- Stainless Steel Rat (Revenge)
Machines cannot be liked or disliked; they are immune to emotion.
We can use them or misuse them, so the problem of machines is a human
problem like all others. -- Stainless Steel Rat (Saves the World)
I flipped a coin to decide, and won of course,
since I had palmed the coin before the toss.
-- Harry Harrison, "The Stainless Steel Rat"
Miles O'Brian, talking to himself...
"If you feel bad in my past, shouldn't I feel bad now?"
Together... "I hate temporial mechanics!!!" -- StarTrek DS9, "Visions"
The Number of the Editor -- Vi Vi Vi
Programmers Documentation Motto (when all else fails)...
"Use the Source Luke"
Oh they never lie. They dissemble, evade, prevericate, confound, confuse,
distract, obsure, subtly mis-represent, and wilfully misunderstand...,
but they never lie. Perish The thought. - about Mind Ships of Culture
-- Iain M. Banks, "Look to Windward"
SPACE FOR THIS INSERTION IS DONATED BY THE PUBLISHERS AS
A SERVICE TO THE COMMUNITY -- John Brunner - "The Sheep Look Up"
You are all under arrest! Place your manipulative members above your
sense-organ clusters and proceed hence. -- Keith Laumar - "Retief's War"
The early bird may get the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Judith looked at the demons and shook her head. "I'm glad we didn't
build four processors. I'm not sure I could take a barbershop
quartet!" -- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Compiled"
"Around here we've got a name for people what talks to dragons."
"Traitor?" Wiz asked apprehensively.
"No. Lunch." -- Rick Cook, "Wizadry Consulted"
"The question is, is that a bug or a feature?" Karl asked.
-- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Compiled"
It's how you get rid of cats. You get a 500-pound parakeet and teach
it to say, "Here, kitty kitty kitty" -- Rick Cook, "Wizardry Cursed"
"We learned dwarves are not ment to fly."
came a voice from the edge of the circle. -- Rick Cook, "Wizardry Cursed"
The law of similarity made any map a magical instrument.
-- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Compiled"
"What was that?" Jerry asked, peering over the edge.
"I think it was a ninja dwarf." Wiz said wonderingly...
-- Rick Cook, "Wizardry Cursed"
To the uninitiated a spell listing looked like someone's graphics card
had barfed on the screen. -- Rick Cook, "Wizardary Consulted"
Wiz thought about what it would be like to work with a computer that
killed the programmer every time it crashed and shuddered.
-- Rick Cook, "Wizard's Bane"
What happened, get lost in the directory tree again?
-- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Consulted"
It is a pity the universe doesn't use a segmented architecture
with a protected mode! -- Rick Cook, "Wizard's Bane"
"Whuf" added the dragon. -- Rick Cook, "Wizardry Consulted"
When an elf uses human courtesies, you know you are in trouble.
-- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Compiled"
Murphy said, 'Constants aren't', and Murphy was apparently one
of the gods of this universe. -- Rick Cook, "Wizard's bane"
Wiz : Our explanations are real. A virtual explanation would be
something that acted like an explanation, but wasn't.
Moira : I rest my case. -- Rick Cook, "Wizardry Cursed"
As flat as an open can of coke, left on a programmer's desk over the weekend.
--- Rick Cook, "Wizardry Consulted"
Any sufficently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
-- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Compiled"
Programming is like pinball. The reward for doing it well
is the opportunity to do it again. -- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Compiled"
He deliberately left them out of the code. After all, he rationalized,
this is only version 1.0. -- Rick Cook, "Wizard's Bane"
Always secure your files, you never know who is lurking about.
-- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Compiled"
Applications Programming is a race between software engineers striving
to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying
to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Compiled"
"Virtual machines?" asked Moira.
"That's like a computer that isn't there." Jerry said helpfully
-- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Cursed"
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia."
-- Charles Schultz (in the USA of course)
This is one big web site! --- Hercules, "Web of Desire"
"We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce
the "Complete Works of Shakespeare"; now thanks to the Internet, we know
that this in NOT true." -- Robert Wilensky, University of Califonia
"Ye castle looks awfully like a home page to thy eyes! Castle bricks doth
not fit down ye old ethernet cable, though stupidity, apparently, does."
--- Dave Connors <dconnors@gil.ipswichcity.qld.gov.au>
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"
--- A Network Christmas Story -- Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose
"On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog!" -- G. Steaven
"Be strict in what you send, and forgiving in what you recieve."
-- Mr Protocol -- "SunExpert", March 1996
Using encryption on the Internet is the equivalent of arranging an
armored car to deliver credit-card information from someone living in a
cardboard box to someone living on a park bench. -- Gene Spafford
Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased
line, off the bridge, past the firewall ... Nothing but Network!
"The avalanche has already started.
It is too late for the pebbles to vote." -- Ambassador Kosh
Vorlons ask, "Who are you?"
Shadows ask, "What do you want?"
So I ask you -- Who are you? -- What do you want? -- Babylon 5
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of 3
elements; energy, matter, and, enlightened self interest.
-- Ambassador G'Kar - Bablyon 5
Zatheris is, used to being beast of burden to other peoples needs.
Very sad life. Probably a very sad death. At least there is symmetry!
-- Zatheris, Bablyon 5, ``War Without End''
Ivoniva: "Lets get out of here. We are running out of time."
Zatheris: "Can not run out of time! There is infinite time!
You are finite. Zatheris is finite."
-- Bablyon 5, ``War Without End''
There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who understand binary and those who don't...
If we knew what it was we were doing, it wouldn't be called research.
The Butterfly Effect :-
When a butterfly creating turbulence in England,
can cause a typhoon in Hong Kong! - "Chaos"
If we forget to respect our Great Earth Mother,
She will withhold Her blessings, and no longer provide for us.
-- Jean M. Auel "The Mammoth Hunters"
Hello Sucker! All Games are Honest.
All Games have a House Percentage.
So Come on in and Have Fun -- (While We Prove It)
-- Robert Hienlien, "Podkayne of Mars"
Let me tell you, you nonexistent reader, sitting there with a tolerant
sneer : don't be smug! -- Robert Heinlein "Number of the Beast"
What are the facts? Again and again and again -- what are the _facts_?
Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what 'the stars
foretell', avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind
the unguessable 'verdict of history', -- what are the facts, and to how
many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are
your only clue. Get the facts! -- Lazuras Long, (Aka. Robert Heinlein)
Tanstaafl : "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch"
Motto of the lunar revoluntion, where you have to even pay for the
air you breath. -- Robert A. Heinlein "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress"
All men must die, it was their single common heritage. But a book need
never die and should not be killed; books were the immortal part of man.
-- Robert A. Heinlein -- "Farnham's Freehold"
Opps. My Brain just hit a bad sector.
"Hakuna Matata" --> "No Worries"
"Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an EARTH-shattering kaboom!"
-- Marvin Martin
Never play leap frog with a Unicorn -- Grand Wizard Murphy
"Crap Will Accumulate" -- The CWA Law of Computing
"90% of everything is crap!" - Sturgeon's Law
"Logic fault, core dumped, have a nice day!!!" -- Anthony Thyssen
Circoflex -- The ULTIMATE in vented kites!
It's just a big HOLE with some fabric wrapped around it!
Stan... aka Bofh <bofh@hellcent.com>
When someone tells me to go fly a kite I say
"God bless you, thank you VERY much"
Kite(n): An offering to the wind gods proffered on a line that
they find sufficiently attractive to accept when it is dangled
in front of them. -- Anne Sloboda, c/o <ecurtis@icis.on.ca>
____ _ _ ____ _ _
| _ \ ___ _ __( ) |_ | _ \ __ _ _ __ (_) ___ | |
| | | |/ _ \| '_ \/| __| | |_) / _` | '_ \| |/ __| | |
| |_| | (_) | | | || |_ | __/ (_| | | | | | (__ |_|
|____/ \___/|_| |_| \__| |_| \__,_|_| |_|_|\___| (_)
"Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"
The human race will never know happiness, as long as the words
"If only..." can still be spoken. -- Unknown
Give us this day our daily data,
and forgive us our I/O errors,
as we forgive those whose logic is faulty.
Extract from: http://www.cit.gu.edu.au/~anthony/info/docs/KeyboardPrayer
A file is private because the person who created it says so...
If anyone else were to decide, they would have to look at it, and then
it woundn't be private, would it? -- John Barnes, "Orbital Resonance"
"One thing you people forget is that we are allowed a certain
number of ... accidents per year. No don't bother, the door is
locked." --- Larry Niven and Steven Barnes, "Dream Park"
What would you do in the light of a nova moon?
-- Larry Niven, "Inconstant Moon"
One never knew what might be prowling on the fifth floor of the
R & D Building. --- Larry Niven and Steven Barnes, "Dream Park"
God, that was a realistic 'experience'.
The R&D boys were incredible. And quite mad.
--- Larry Niven and Steven Barnes, "Dream Park"
The Skeleton clicked its teeth in a bizarre rictus that might have
been a smile. How would you know if a skeleton was smiling?
-- Larry Niven and Steve Barnes, "Barzoom Project" (Dream Park)
"And it is my pleasure to reveal to you the true location of the
Hereafter" ... "Heaven is situated directly above Sydney, Australia.
Naturally this opening is not visiable to the inhabitants of the City."
-- Larry Niven and Steven Barnes, "Dream Park"
Who was to say that there weren't trolls in those tunnels, demons
in those depth? Perhaps the real illusion of Dream Park was the
pretense of technology. --- Niven and Barnes, "Barzoom Project"
Tunnels stretched off in all directions: up, down, side-ways, and
yesterday and tomorrow if the Research Department had come up with
anything since breakfast. -- Larry Niven and Steven Barnes, "Dream Park"
"Seshmarl, to know the future is to change it,
so that it wriggles like a many-headed snake.
What you see is false, because you've seen it."
-- Larry Niven "The Burning City"
"Remember I'm a hologram, don't try these stunts at home."
-- Larry Niven & Steven Barnes, "The Barsoom Project"
"Effect-wise, I think its a modified three dimensional
holographic binary decomposion of a Mandelbrot set."
"Kelvin?", Orson said. "Yeah?" "Get a life would you?"
--- Niven and Barnes, "Barzoom Project" (Dream Park)
Think of it as 'Evolution in Action'! -- Larry Niven
"One afternoon we were running the Khronal Dungeon, and we opened a
door and found ourselves looking out into the living room where we
were playing. One of the characters shot the Game Master with a
crossbow bolt, and the whole dungeon dissappeared!" -- "Dream Park"
"Hear me, Oh Gods! Its a rest break not a timeout!
Put the fire back..."
--- Larry Niven and Steven Barnes, "Dream Park"
This was a fatal mistake for the Kzinti, ... the reason humanity had
decided to study war no more, was that humans were so very, very good
at it! -- "Man-Kzin Wars IV" -- Larry Niven
A picture may be worth a thousand words,
but a thousand words use a lot less disk space!
You can say a lot in a few simple words,
but a Word Document is a whole lot bigger! -- Anthony Thyssen
43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wro%$#^*
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
Nine Megs for the secretaries fair
Seven Megs for the hackers scarce
Five Megs for the grads in smoky lairs
Three Megs for system source
The UNIX Project was the last best hope of defeating Microsoft. It Failed.
But in the Year of the Platform Wars, it became something greater...
Users last best hope for a open Operating System
The year is 1998. The place: Linux 5 -- Anthony Thyssen
Windows is a 32 bit patch to a 16 bit GUI based on a 8 bit
operating system written for a 4 bit processor by a 2 bit
company which can not stand 1 bit of competition.
One thing to take into account is that MS Windows is deliberately
designed to cripple your hardware, so that you keep upgrading
(hardware and software), which means you are being asset-stripped.
-- Ron Savage
As I turned away, I heard the guard mutter behind me, "One of these days
I'm going to say the wrong thing to the wrong mage, and I'll be spending
the rest of my days searching for Mrs Right Toad."
-- Elf Sternberg, "Aimee"
Black holes are merely where God divided by zero
+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++
-- Terry Pratchett, "HogFather"
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
It's only when you closely examine ants with a magnifying glass
do you realise how often they burst into flames.
Science(n): Record many facts. Try to see a pattern.
Then make a wrong guess at the next fact.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron".
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
First they ignore you,
then they laugh at you,
then they fight you,
then you win. -- Mahatma Gandhi
Please miss, can I leave? My brain is full!
"When I became a man I put away childish things, including
the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
-- C.S. Lewis
Just do it! -- And if that fails -- Just undo it!
-- Matt Groenig (maker of the Simpsons)
But I ain't seen nothing like him
On systems large or small
That tired, squinting, blind kid
Sure makes a mean sys call!
-- Unix Wizard (to the tune of "Pinball Wizard")
At 300 dpi you can tell she's wearing a swimsuit.
At 600 dpi you can tell it's wet.
At 1200 dpi you can tell it's painted on.
I suppose at 2400 dpi you can tell if the paint is giving her a rash.
-- Joshua R. Poulson
